Hitler and Mel Gibson Discuss Facial Hair, Women and the State of the Hate

Adolf Hitler and Mel Gibson shared a few beers recently at an undisclosed location just outside of Los Angeles. BTS’ Art Vandelay recorded the conversation after Mel butt dialed his mobile phone.

Hitler:    So what’s with the goatee?  You look like a fucking Frenchman?

Mel:       It’s for a role.

Hitler:    Come on, it’s me. You have a new role like I have been asked to chair the United Jewish Campaign.

Mel:       Speaking of which, that’s my problem.

Hitler:    Mine too.

(They laugh together heartedly)

Mel:       So when you and Eva, you know, got into it, did she ever bleed and tell?

Hitler:    Eva? No, no; it was very, very different back then. And remember, I was a dictator; I could have her shot…or worse.

Mel:       Gosh I miss the old days; you ever feel you were born at the wrong time?

Hitler:    Who said I was ever born?

Mel:       Good point! It’s just so, you know…

Hitler:    Hard to hate these days?

Mel:       Yes, exactly.  Everyone is so fucking sensitive; can’t criticize a race or religion without people getting soooo uptight. 

Hitler:    I tried, did my best ‘but my best was not good enough’ (in a singing voice).

Mel:       Sure, sure…and I admire the hell out of anyone who follows their dreams.

Hitler:    Another round?  Two more bud lights please.

Mel:       So what would you do, if you were around today?

Hitler:    Well, times are definitely different. All this integration, education and democracy—makes it a challenge to foster real hate and induce murderous thoughts. But I see an opportunity, unexpected yes, but an opportunity nonetheless.

Mel:       I’m all ears.

Hitler:    This so-called tea party “movement”, it has all the ingredients. Distrust of government, willingness to believe just about anything Glenn Beck says, and candidates who would just as soon vote to shut down Congress as they would claim Obama is me. Which, by way, really pisses me off. If those guys take over, anything’s possible.

Mel:       You really think so?

Hitler:    If anyone knows, it’s me.

Mel:       Hey sweetheart, two more, we’re celebrating tonight.

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