The Economic Theory of Reality Porn

Americans spend almost 18 billion dollars on pornography a year.  Question:  what would we do with that money if not spending it on pornography?  Would it go to charity? Travel?  Would we eat better? Build more schools? 

Truly, no one freakin’ knows. It’s not the easiest economic model to build. Usually, you can look at spending and determine, well, I am not going to the movies because I am going to the baseball game. But with porn, what’s the alternative? Fortunately, our nation’s best economists are figuring this out right now. In fact, I think they alone are responsible for about 1 billion dollars of porn spending. This, by the way, explains why no one knows anything about our fucking economic situation.  All the economists are too busy watching pornography!

How else can you explain last year‘s financial catastrophe and our national debt of 9 trillion dollars? The guys who are supposed to keep us in balance can’t. Why?  Because whenever they try to balance our books, instead of “Preserving the Federal Reserve”, they’re watching “Debbie does the Federal Reserve”.

Flipping through the premium channels late at night, it’s not difficult to catch some soft core porn. I have noticed that a lot of these have futuristic themes and involve sex in the “future”. Apparently, sex sucks now, but in the FUTURE, it will be sparkly and we will float around reading minds. And if the future does not turn you on, there’s always sex with aliens. But what evidence do we have that space aliens make better lovers other than Cinamax says so?  Look, the truth is they know what you know what I know and that is that as long as they show hot people screwing we will watch. With aliens, animals, it does not fucking matter.   

 I’m pretty sure the folks who started porn started reality TV as well, an entertainment genre one step removed from gladiators and lions in ancient Rome. By the way, anyone have any idea how they got the lions to the Coliseum?  Last I checked  lions were not native to Rome.  Did some poor legionnaire schlep the beast in his chariot all the way from Africa?

People talk about reality TV contestants like family members. “Oh, did you see Sharon last night?”, “I can’t believe what Joe said to her”.  I admit I used to watch game shows, the precursor to today’s reality genre. Let’s Make a Deal, Match Game 75, 76, 77  ect ( this was  a good show for the senile to watch cause it kept them current on the year), The Dating Game, and the list goes on. But somewhere along the way, I realized I lacked concern for the contestants and could not care less what was behind door # 2. So I never got close to watching Reality TV.

Nonetheless, we now have Reality TV ranging from people who survive on bugs to kids who trade mommies. And we watch. Why, cause Reality TV is free, and you have to pay for porn.

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