LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh have agreed to play for the Miami Heat but in order to make it fair, will be the only players on the team. Said LeBron at this morning’s press conference, “Look, we know we can beat anyone with 15 players so what’s the point of that, we won’t get any credit. But when it’s just the 3 of us beating teams like Boston and LA, man, people will take notice.” Added Wade, “What would those other two players do on the court anyway? Plus, we get more room on the team plane.” When asked about only coaching 3 players instead of 15, newly hired coach and Heat General Manager Pat Riley discounted comments that his job would be easier. “Hell no”, said the seven-time world champion, “It won’t be any easier. In fact, this will be the most difficult coaching challenge of my life.” Asked about the 12 players losing their jobs with the Heat, Bosh, leaving perennial doormat Toronto for the Miami beaches, noted philosophically that, “sometimes life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade, so I bought, with my own money, each of the 12 lemonade makers.”
ESPN followed the announcement by promoting its newest 24 hour channel, LeBron plus Two. Besides airing all Heat games, the channel will feature original programming including King James does Miami. Each week another episode will have LeBron taking Dwayne and Chris to practice in exotic Miami locations. Said ESPN, “With only 3 guys, they can practice anywhere.” Episode One will be in the Everglades.