Art Van Delay Invokes the Spirit of Belushi in Announcing for President

Here is an excerpt from Art Van Delay’s announcement yesterday of his intent to seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States, presented in front of the administration building of Fabor College.

“Well what I want them to know is just like Jim Belushi attended Fabor College; that’s the kind of spirit that I have, too. Food fights, excessive drinking, and general mayhem, that’s what made our country what it is today.”

When told it was John, not his brother Jim, who attended Fabor, Van Delay attacked the mainstream media for its distortions and “witch hunt” mentality. “The point is not whether John or Jim, or Frank or Bob for that matter, attended Fabor, it’s that our country needs to return to the spirit of whoever attended that damn place.” When reminded Fabor was but a fictional college in a movie, Van Delay continued his attack on the media. “I am no longer talking to any media outlet with three letters unless the first letter is an “F”.

Recent poll numbers reveal Van Delay as a dark horse candidate with only 3% of the vote in important State of Iowa. However, in Athens, Austin, Gainesville, and Madison, he is leading the pack with over 55% of people who do not plan to vote.

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